Looking back on your life... who taught you the most about what love is/isnt?
Without even realizing it, these two people gave me lessons about love (or lack there of) that nobody else could. Just sitting back and observing the differences between the two.
What love is: Mom (1950-2006). My mom was a lady in every sense of the word. She married my dad when she was 17 and they seperated a year or two later. She loved my dad. Even though they lived apart most of their 21 year marriage, she didnt sleep around or went out. She stayed true to her vows. She was only intimate with him when he came around. Even though he flaunted his women around on the street, she always told me and my siblings to love and respect him, at the same time pleading with him to be in his children's lives before its too late. After the divorce, she was celibate for 7 years before she met her 2nd husband Weldon (r.i.p.). He had a long battle with drugs, which is why she didnt marry him at first. But being a woman of God and giving birth to my little sister, she didnt want to live in sin. That and she did love him. But soon after they married, he was with different women as well, so she left him. My mom had a loving and forgiving heart. She was a good wife, but she gave it to people who didnt deserve it.
What love isnt: Dad (1946-2009). Dad married my mom when he was 21. He was a welder who eventually started his own business. Mom left him early into the marriage because of his cheating, abusive and wild ways. He married three more times after they divorced and he cheated on all of them. There was one woman who stood by his side during all of his marriages. She even supposively had his son and he still didnt marry her. He married some chic he knew only 6 months, he been on and off with stephanie for 30 years. 30 years pining over a man who never married her. That man was a womanizer til the end... Well, until he met wife #4, who was younger than me. She dogged that nigga out and had a baby with some other nigga. Karma is a BITCH!!!
Seeing how my mom was loving and kind and my dad was a manwhore, you would think I would learn from their marriage and other relationships. I dont know why I did half the shit (or men) that I did. Fuckin everybody will not lead you to a life long mate, and I knew that! You would think I would follow in my mom's footsteps and carry myself like a lady and treat my body like a temple. Even though my dad didnt sit me down and teach me how to have self love and respect, that didnt mean that it was his fault either. I knew better and still do. I wasnt looking for a father figure, because they were younger than me. Out of all the guys ive dated/fucked, a couple may have loved me. But for the rest who didnt, I knew they didnt, but I fucked them anyway. Im not sure what I was looking for, or if I was looking for anything at all. I wouldnt know love if it bit me in the ass. Sex couldnt fill the void that I had. Harping over the wasted years of not being appreciated wont bring them back either. We dont get a "do over" in life.
After many men and STD's, one has to say to themselves...
Love wont find you until you love yourself. So until then, keep the legs closed, while the mind and eyes are open.
I guess, in a nutshell, love is forgiving and grows into something warm and beautiful. Love is patient and takes time to grow into that beautiful feeling that only God can give by bringing you the right mate... And having God in your life.
Love shouldnt hurt. It shouldnt be a struggle. Love cant be forced or bought.
